Out of nowhere, I dropped again. Not as bad as before but after a couple of weeks of feeling normal and daring to hope I may be out of the weeds for a while, it was an unpleasant surprise and I found myself floored. It was as if depression saw that I believed I was in the lead and dragged me back, reminding me that it still has the upper hand.
So, tears all day and a general low feeling. Absolute exhaustion and a tense jaw, aching shoulders, back and neck. Back to the start again.
I tried to fight through it. I made a nice lunch and cleaned and tidied my room but I should have known better. There is no beating this mood and in the end I gave up. I put my pyjamas back on and got back into bed where I settled down in front of Netflix and shut out the day. It’s only 9 at night but I’m ready for the lights to go out on this day. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind is the nagging fear that this is just the start and not a simple blip so the sooner the day is over the better.
The unpredictability is crippling. All I can hope is that tomorrow I wake up and things are back on track but for now the curtains are closed to the world once again.