Unable to cope

Guilt is an overriding emotion.

Guilt that there are people in the world with real problems and i have a family, a roof over my head, warm clothes and food to eat and yet am still too pathetic to get out of bed, still too pathetic to go more than a couple of hours (at best) without crying.

Guilt because I wish I were dead.

Guilt for all those people who are loved and who love life but are struck down through illness or accident or malice  whereas I continue onwards with no desire to do so.

Guilt for all the times I am not able to fain happiness or enthusiasm.

Guilt for all I’ve put my friends through and for the fact that I continue to do so despite vowing each time that next time I’ll pretend to be OK.

Guilt for all the friends I’ve driven away and for the ones that eventually will go too.

And guilt because we have one life and it’s short and I can’t be thankful for this most basic yet most miraculous gift.


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