hull (Estonian)

Ridiculous Things I’ve Done to Try Not to be Depressed

#4 Carry on

Keep calm and carry on. In all its derivatives, is there a more irritating phrase? A less insightful tea towel expression? And yet, on the surface, it’s what I’ve been doing. On the surface, nothing is wrong. On the surface, I get up every morning, shower, get dressed, get on the bus, work, go home and relax. I talk to people. I appear normal.

But what no one sees is the effort and the toll the pretence takes.

I wonder if it would be better to throw up my hands and admit defeat. I wonder if battling to maintain a façade of normality is counterproductive. I wonder whether I should have walked into a doctor’s office and waved a white flag and shut off. There are certainly days when I should have done that.

I know that carrying on has been wrong on some occasions and has prolonged and increased the agony but I don’t know whether on other days it has helped or hindered. So this is a tentative addition to the “Ridiculous Things” mini-series. I simply don’t know how ridiculous this particular action has been.

 

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