gone a bit haywire

A few years ago, I was suffering from pneumonia. At the height of the infection, I lay aching in bed, both boiling hot and freezing cold at the same time. I remember thinking how impossible that sounded. To be burning up and sweating and yet shivering and wrapping blankets round myself at the same time. No one, I thought, would believe this. I’ll never be able to explain it.

And now I feel two opposite emotions at the same time. I’m dead inside, leaden and heavy. And yet also I am full of nerves, on edge and shaky with panic and fear.

And again I think, how can I explain this? No one would believe it.

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