gone postal

It’s been a while since I wrote. Some days things are better but I find it hard to take hope from this because I know how quickly I can crash and how each crash chips away and takes its toll. I suppose that makes me ungrateful and what irritating people might call a “glass half empty” person. I feel guilty but it doesn’t change the way I feel. The constant dread means that joy still seems far off even if the intensity of self-loathing and misery are dulled.

I’m on a ledge halfway down a hole. There’s no help around. It’s 50-50 whether I slip and plummet or find a hand-hold and scramble a bit closer to the light.

So I’m stable and that’s a good thing. I’m still isolating myself, I’m still haemorrhaging friends, I’m still sad, still walking slowly with head down, still on edge. Still a robot. But for now the ledge is holding my weight.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s