pazza (Italian)

How are you feeling? Are you feeling any better?

There are many aspects of social interaction that I struggle with these days (not least getting anyone to interact with me socially anymore; I’ve driven most people away) – but those two questions are ones I dread.

They are meant in good faith, I have no doubt. But what is sounds like to me, in my paranoid, lonely state is: aren’t you better yet? when are you going to pull yourself together and get better? are you still depressed? Don’t you know there are people in the world with real problems? Pull yourself together!

I don’t know how to answer these questions. Sometimes I lie and simply pretend things are on an even keel. Sometimes I tell the whole truth and then beat myself up for driving people further away. Sometimes I just skip the question.

But I still dread it. I debate the answer over and over, fingers hovering over keys, brain whirring and imploding, thumb poised, tongue paralysed.

What do you want me to say? I wish I knew.

So if you are reading this and you know someone who is depressed, remember that this simple question could be one of the most difficult ones they have to answer.

Or maybe it’s just me.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/depression-part-two.html – I have to credit this blog. I wish I  could draw. I wish I were as eloquent as this.

 

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