non-functioning

I saw this diagram the other day. There are lots of these graphics that attempt to explain depression to those people fortunate enough not to have ever experienced it. Most are pretty accurate (I particularly like the image of a charred humanoid, dragging themselves out of bed in the morning and putting on a “human suit”, a façade for others to convince them that they are normal). This one is a fairly good representation of how I feel. Right now the sadness, the anxiety and the isolation are more prominent but overall, given the fluctuations over the last two years of being severely depressed, it’s almost spot-on.

It’s hard to explain the nothingness. I’ve tried on here before but it’s difficult to put into words. However, I never felt it when I was mildly depressed and feel it may be responsible for feeding into and perpetuating the others and that’s why this episode has gone on so long and been so severe.

And this may be why my attempts a therapy have so far failed. It’s all very well telling me to treat myself kindly, to change the negative into positive, to be thankful and grateful for small things. None of that is possible when your emotions are dead.

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