There are two states right now. One is out and out madness stations: crying, panicking, paranoia and all that comes with that.
The other is the “glass cage” state. I feel as though I’m in a glass cage. I can see the world, I can view its progression, its interactions, its trials and challenges and victories, its beauty and its grit but I can’t interact with it. I’m detached. I feel nothing.
So I go to a new place and I remind myself to click a button and take a photo and I tell myself that this place is interesting/beautiful/quirky/educational/surprising. But it’s robotic. I’m cold metal. Cold metal in a glass cage. Unfeeling, unconnected. Not part of it at all. Observing without feeling.
I don’t know which is worse: feeling only the bad stuff or feeling nothing at all.