And so breakdown comes again. Sudden and shocking as always. Shocking despite the frequency and despite the subtle signs that have been building and that I should be able to read by now: increased insomnia, increased crying, preoccupation with self-destruction, apathy and lack of energy, slowing movement, aches in the neck, shoulders, head. These build over days along with paranoia, worry, harm (real and imagined), over-eating, lack of focus. It’s subtle but it’s there and I should be able to spot it and head it off by now. But I can’t. And so it comes and I, as always, give up.