stark raving mad

I’m not much one for “inspirational” quotes. In my head, they are grouped with chanting “om” and pandering to one’s chakras. Occasionally one rings true and there have been a few that have made me smile in amusement or recognition but generally I skip over them with no emotional reaction save shaking my head in a slightly superior way.

There is, however, one type of inspirational quote which irritates me and angers me. The one which says “happiness is a choice”, or words to that effect. Because right now, happiness is not a “choice”. I would never choose to feel this way and I doubt anyone else would either. I understand that sometimes people enjoy wallowing for a while in sadness or self-pity; I’m sure I’ve been guilty of this in the past, watching sad films and enjoying a good weep, but that was a few minutes in one day. Depression is completely different. I’ve learnt the hard way to avoid sad films because the crying can’t stop now. It’s not wallowing or letting things out anymore. Now I am down everyday to various extents, from feeling hopeless to feeling numb to the most extreme of all: wanting it all to end. None of this is a choice and it angers me that anyone would trivialise it in that way. It suggests that if I just change my attitude, I can get better. I wish it were that simple.




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