delirious

For a while I lost my mind. It went almost completely. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced.

Bit by bit parts came back but these days my mind feels incomplete; these days I’m mostly lost. I drift from one place to the next. I change jobs and location with no plan, all in autopilot. I have no idea what’s coming next. Sometimes the future is worrying. Sometimes I can’t imagine it all, it simply doesn’t exist.

And so depression is scary, it’s miserable of course, it’s exhausting, it’s lack of emotion followed by a tsunami of emotion. And it’s emptiness, it’s a lack of vision, a lack of hope. It’s darkness and a lack of existence.

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