Today I want to die. More than anything, it would solve all my problems. The problem of the future, the problem of having no friends, the problem of no one caring. Surrounded by people but totally alone. No one to help, no one to insist on my behalf. Everyone accepts and carries on and leaves me wishing I could do things differently, wishing I had done things differently.
So I sit alone with my head pounding now from all the crying, a mess of aches and pains – physical from exhaustion and contortion; mental from just being me – and I google “how to commit suicide” and I gather ideas I wonder if I’ll ever be able to go through with.